Preparing for mediation - some general advice  

Resolve  

The first step is to resolve that you want to end a dispute.   Quite often the other party won't be at the same stage of resolution.  However, mediation can allow for communication in a controlled environment, and it may enable you or the other party to properly understand yours or their own position.    

Be Pragmatic

Try considering  what your worst outcome might be, and your best.  Take into account all the relevant direct and indirect effects like your personal and family stress, time wasted and financial costs of litigation.  If you haven't been through a mediation or full-blown dispute before it can be helpful to write these possible outcomes down in two columns and compare them. For example  no residence / full residence, what will the implications be ?  Talk about them to another person who is not involved, they might point out costs and benefits which you hadn't considered.  Once you have done this, it is necessary to understand that you will probably end up somewhere between these two extreme outcomes.  Consider what the other party wants to achieve and what they probably won't accept - be pragmatic and realistic about the process  - you are unlikely to achieve the best outcome, and nor is the other party.  Remember that it is better (and cheaper) to try and negotiate a favourable position than to be ordered to compromise by the courts. 

Focus

List what the main issues in dispute are.  In a family mediation it can be useful to work from a list of issues and have an organised approach - this might be contact, residence times, holidays, communications for example.     Once you have looked at the issues, consider where you are in comparison to the other party - in a civil claim you might disagree for example about how much the value of loss or damage might be.  Focus in on those issues.  By examining them and organising them you might find that there is less in dispute than might seem the case. 

You can also list your issues under headings of what is a give-away, negotiable and non-negotiable to help you focus on those issues.   

Be Calm

It is all to easy to respond to personal comments in the same way or to let your anger get the better of you.  It won't help your blood pressure or help resolve your dispute.  It is often said about public speaking that it can become less nerve racking if you imagine your audience is naked.  Try the same sort of thing with your mediation, for example try to make it a competition to stay calm and not to lose your temper before the other side.     Ignore personal comments, and try to focus again on getting a result.  Practice what you want to say if you need to.  If it is becoming too difficult or you are getting angry, take a break.  The mediator should manage this but don't let the other party oppress or bully you. 

Go for easy wins

Try starting with issues which might be easier to agree than others.  If both parties can agree some simple things first, then they can sometimes trust each other with the bigger problems.  

Give In to unimportant issues 

Tactically speaking, it is often worth giving in at the right time to things which are not serious issues to you but are bigger issues for the other side.    It helps to demonstrate you can be reasonable.  It might further encourage the other side to give in to things which are important to you but not so much to them.  However, you shouldn't necessarily simply give in to these things straight away.  You might say for example to the mediator "on the question of X,  I might be willing to do Y but I would like my husband to consider Z" - he or she can then use this concession to negotiate a different point for your benefit.  

This is why it is important to focus on what the issues are and not be too fixed on the outcomes.     The mediator will try to tease out areas for compromise.  This is often more important in a matrimonial context, because the issues are usually questions of personal choice rather than issues of fact, but in the commercial area it is sensible to decide on issues like ranges of costs  and damages awards which you might accept.  Remember that the discussions are non-binding until an agreement is drawn up.  You can always decide to change your mind later.   

Don't be scared or intimidated

If you need to have someone else present to cope with the stress, like a relative, then take them along.  Don't let the process worry you.  Mediation is far less stressful than judges and lawyers in court.  Don't feel that you have to give in on something important to you.  Remember you can get up and walk away at any time, the process is not binding, only its outcomes are. 

Stay positive

Remember that very often mediation does not result in an immediate agreement.   It can take the parties weeks or even months to go away and think about the discussions and to take a view on what they want to do, especially if one of them is being deliberately unreasonable or intransigent.  If you don't get a result, don't be disheartened, it is very common for mediation to have no specific outcome.  In those cases the benefits will have been measured by the fact you have had an opportunity to communicate your issues in a safe  and controlled environment.   You should also be better able after mediation to understand the other party's position as well as explaining your own and you will have more information on which to base your likelihood of success if court becomes the next step.  Mediation can also help court proceedings to be shorter and therefore less expensive by highlighting  those issues on which the parties simply cannot or will not agree.   

Do it again

In family mediation there can be so many issues that it is sensible only to focus on one or two at a time.  For this reason more than one session is often advisable.